Hello friends, and welcome to another late nite chat! It's been a long time since I've actually had a late nite chat session with you all, but I thought I would give it a whirl... :)
Anyway, in less than 12 hours I'll be at the hospital undergoing my first PET scan. For those of you who haven't really been following my health updates, here's the scoop: in November I got sick and had an ear infection and an annoying, but tolerable, cough. I got some antibiotics and was fine. Except the cough didn't go away. Then in December, literally overnight, I started having incredible pain in my joints, especially my hands, wrists, elbows, and knees. The doc thought I might have rheumatoid arthiritis, so he did a couple of tests. They all came back fine. So he gave me some prednisone and referred me to a specialist. I didn't go because the pain went away.
In April I still had this annoying, persistent cough that also caused me to wheeze. He listened to my lungs, gave me an antibiotic, and sent me off to get an xray. He thought maybe I had pneumonia, but he was doing the xray to rule out other possibilities. A couple of days later I got a phone call from the doc's office telling me I needed to have a CT scan because of the xray results. The CT scan showed that I had a 4cm mass on my right lung, close to my heart. LOVELY! In May, I saw a pulminologist who determined I needed to have a bronchoscopy in order to get a piece of the tissue from the mass to run tests on. All the tests came back fine. The pulminologist thinks I simply have an enlarged lymph node as a result of untreated pneumonia that would eventually shrink. He scheduled me for another CT scan which I had just last week. Unfortunately, the CT scan showed that the lung mass has not gotten smaller, but has in fact grown. It is now 4.5cm instead of 4cm. Which leads to the PET scan tomorrow....
The PET scan will show the metabolic activity of the mass. In short, this test will determine if the mass is cancerous.
The question is, then, why worry? I have reason to worry. And to some extent I am worried. I'm worried about the unknown. If I know what's wrong with my body, then I can figure out how to fix it. Well, the doctors can. :) But I don't know what this mass on my lung is. So I worry.
However, today I was reminded of something I wrote three years ago about worry. It's illogical and only breeds more worrisome thoughts. Not only that, but worry can't change things. I can sit and worry all I want, but it won't change my situation. It won't change whatever diagnosis comes my way. And it certainly won't fix anything. So I choose not to worry. I choose to place my trust in God who loves me and is holding my hand through this situation. The One who is my comfort in times of trouble. I'll cling to my husband who loves me and will hold me, comfort me, and be there for me through this stressful time. And I'll lean on my friends who love me and pray for me.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
invisible joy (2.9.09)
Hello, and welcome to another late night chat. By now I'm sure you realize that I'm not a big Myspace junkie like I used to be. Nor do I blog nearly as much as in the past. But, tonight I felt the desire to blog a little bit. Perhaps it's because I want to feel connected to a community. For a short time this evening I had a feeling of what it would be like to be invisible. There were people all around me, and while I was smiling at them and wishing to be in their inner circle, I knew that I wasn't and was positive that they didn't even notice me. At the same time, I know that they see me and value me. It sounds like a huge contradiction, but it's not. I guess that's why one shouldn't base anything solely on feelings or emotions.
After that experience I wasn't quite sure where my evening was headed. I knew that I had a midterm to take this evening and felt for sure that I was going to fail as the sheer volume of questions on the midterm seemed impossible to handle. Not only that, but right before taking the test my mom called and had a minor emotional breakdown. Any kind of breakdown right before a midterm is definitely not something one should have to endure, to say the least! Nevertheless, I took the exam and passed with flying colors. I am truly pleased that the midterm went so well.
As I couldn't sleep this evening, I decided to watch some regularly scheduled tv instead of my regular viewing of Friends and wound up watching Joel Osteen. I'm not a big fan as I think he has a tendency to just preach "fluff." Incidentally, Pastor Mark happened to mention him in his sermon today about how we should "leave him (Joel Osteen) alone" since he must be doing something right as he has the largest church in America. While I disagree with Pastor Mark to a certain extent, I decided to watch the show anyway and came away feeling uplifted and encouraged. Not that I think any differently about the fluff, but his message had a way of making me think about the circumstances in my life and the way in which I handle them. Simply put, am I going to let life's trials bring death and destruction, or am I going to rest assured in the joy that God gives?
What about you? Are you going to let life get you down or will you place your trust in the One who offers joy and peace?
After that experience I wasn't quite sure where my evening was headed. I knew that I had a midterm to take this evening and felt for sure that I was going to fail as the sheer volume of questions on the midterm seemed impossible to handle. Not only that, but right before taking the test my mom called and had a minor emotional breakdown. Any kind of breakdown right before a midterm is definitely not something one should have to endure, to say the least! Nevertheless, I took the exam and passed with flying colors. I am truly pleased that the midterm went so well.
As I couldn't sleep this evening, I decided to watch some regularly scheduled tv instead of my regular viewing of Friends and wound up watching Joel Osteen. I'm not a big fan as I think he has a tendency to just preach "fluff." Incidentally, Pastor Mark happened to mention him in his sermon today about how we should "leave him (Joel Osteen) alone" since he must be doing something right as he has the largest church in America. While I disagree with Pastor Mark to a certain extent, I decided to watch the show anyway and came away feeling uplifted and encouraged. Not that I think any differently about the fluff, but his message had a way of making me think about the circumstances in my life and the way in which I handle them. Simply put, am I going to let life's trials bring death and destruction, or am I going to rest assured in the joy that God gives?
What about you? Are you going to let life get you down or will you place your trust in the One who offers joy and peace?
before & after roe (11.1.08)
A number of friends have posted links, blogs, or general thoughts on the upcoming election in the past couple of days. Many of them have voiced their opinion on abortion and the changes that would be brought about if Sen. Obama was elected. While I am in no way, shape, or form an expert on the two candidates or the issues at hand, I do have an opinion about abortion and how this election could change the rules and regulations regarding it.
But, that's not the point. What struck me as profoundly imbalanced was the statistics of deaths before and after Roe v. Wade. Prior to Roe v. Wade "thousands of women died annually in the United States as a result of illegal abortions" (from the Freedom of Choice Act). After Roe v. Wade, however, millions of unborn babies die annually as a result of legalized abortions (from the National Right to Life website, which sites both CDC and AGI stats). MILLIONS. In fact, since 1973 there have been 48,589,993 abortions in the United States alone.
The fact is that while thousands of women have died as a result of abortions, millions of babies have died. Life is life, regardless of whether or not it is the life of the mother or that of the baby. Put into perspective, however, the statistics show that Roe v. Wade has had drastic consequences for several generations.
But, that's not the point. What struck me as profoundly imbalanced was the statistics of deaths before and after Roe v. Wade. Prior to Roe v. Wade "thousands of women died annually in the United States as a result of illegal abortions" (from the Freedom of Choice Act). After Roe v. Wade, however, millions of unborn babies die annually as a result of legalized abortions (from the National Right to Life website, which sites both CDC and AGI stats). MILLIONS. In fact, since 1973 there have been 48,589,993 abortions in the United States alone.
The fact is that while thousands of women have died as a result of abortions, millions of babies have died. Life is life, regardless of whether or not it is the life of the mother or that of the baby. Put into perspective, however, the statistics show that Roe v. Wade has had drastic consequences for several generations.
remembering 9/11 (9.12.08)
On that fateful day I was housesitting for my brother and his new bride as they were on their honeymoon in Jamaica. The constant ringing of the phone eventually woke me up and the voice on the other end instructed me to turn on the TV. That voice was my mother calling to inform me that an airplane had just flown into one of the World Trade towers.
Stunned by the news, I flicked on the TV to see what was going on in New York. As the reporting was repeating the information for the viewers, another plane flew into another tower.
Life changed at that moment. War became a reality not just a possibility. The United States of America had been attacked and was at war, something my generation had never really experienced. True, there was the Gulf War, but this was on our turf not in some far away land.
Eventually the news would report two more attacks that morning. One plane targeted the Pentagon while another went down in Pennsylvania. The plot would unravel to reveal these attacks to be the work of terrorists seeking to declare jihad on America. These men died as martyrs to all who support the idea of Islamic holy war.
But for Americans, life wouldn't be the same. As the towers crumbled and fell, children lost parents and spouses lost each other. Families were torn apart. As the Pentagon experienced a break in the wall, so Americans lost their sense of security. American life was now filled with fear and uncertainty. And, for a while, life once again became sacred. Family values and morals became a centerpoint of discussion. Even God was sought after once again.
Seven years later a lot has changed. Security has gotten tighter and our defense strategies have gotten tougher. Men and women have boldly stepped forth to volunteer to fight the war on terror that still rages in the world today. On the other hand, airports are emptier, the value of the dollar is at an all-time low, and people care about Britney Spears than anything else.
Despite it all, there is a generation that has been forever impacted by 9/11. This generation has lost its innocence but has risen to the challenge to be different, stronger. Above all, this generation sees hope and desires a love that is everlasting.
Stunned by the news, I flicked on the TV to see what was going on in New York. As the reporting was repeating the information for the viewers, another plane flew into another tower.
Life changed at that moment. War became a reality not just a possibility. The United States of America had been attacked and was at war, something my generation had never really experienced. True, there was the Gulf War, but this was on our turf not in some far away land.
Eventually the news would report two more attacks that morning. One plane targeted the Pentagon while another went down in Pennsylvania. The plot would unravel to reveal these attacks to be the work of terrorists seeking to declare jihad on America. These men died as martyrs to all who support the idea of Islamic holy war.
But for Americans, life wouldn't be the same. As the towers crumbled and fell, children lost parents and spouses lost each other. Families were torn apart. As the Pentagon experienced a break in the wall, so Americans lost their sense of security. American life was now filled with fear and uncertainty. And, for a while, life once again became sacred. Family values and morals became a centerpoint of discussion. Even God was sought after once again.
Seven years later a lot has changed. Security has gotten tighter and our defense strategies have gotten tougher. Men and women have boldly stepped forth to volunteer to fight the war on terror that still rages in the world today. On the other hand, airports are emptier, the value of the dollar is at an all-time low, and people care about Britney Spears than anything else.
Despite it all, there is a generation that has been forever impacted by 9/11. This generation has lost its innocence but has risen to the challenge to be different, stronger. Above all, this generation sees hope and desires a love that is everlasting.
who am I? (8.7.08)
Lately I've been listening to Third Day's (my fave band) new cd - Revelation. One of the songs on the album is entitled "This Is Who I Am." The truth is, there are times when I don't really know who I am or maybe I simply don't like who I have become. Other times I'm ok with me. Either way, here's a glimpse of who I am and my prayer to the Father (thanks to Mac Powell for putting it all into words):
I'm a saint and a sinner
I'm a lover and a fighter
I'm a true believer with great desire
I'm a preacher of grace, prophet of love, teacher of truth
I've fallen down so many times but here I stand in front of you
Take me as I am but please don't leave me that way
Cause I know you can make me better than I am today
I'm a saint and a sinner
I'm a lover and a fighter
I'm a true believer with great desire
I'm a preacher of grace, prophet of love, teacher of truth
I've fallen down so many times but here I stand in front of you
Take me as I am but please don't leave me that way
Cause I know you can make me better than I am today
puppy bites (3.6.08)
hello, and welcome to another late night chat! today was a rather short-but-long day. not really sure how to explain it. it kinda went by fast but slow at the same time. i was gone most of the day, and that part went fast. it was my time at home that went really slow. it's just kinda strange, that's all.
life with a little one is emotional. most of the time it's joyful; other times it's frustrating, annoying, and stressing. cuddle-time with brutus for a mid-morning nap and right before bed is so sweet. it's the in-between times that drive me up a wall. housebreaking is proving to be the most trying thing right now. brutus drinks a lot of water, so i'm constantly taking him outside, but he still seems to find a way to pee in the house...not to mention going number two. *sigh* housebreaking aside, little brutus tries to gnaw my fingers off! seriously, yesterday i looked like i had tried to cut myself......i had teeth marks that looked like cuts all up and down my arm. not to mention a few bruises from where he bit so hard! no matter what i do to correct him, it doesn't seem to work. in fact, tonight he seemed to simply get more agressive the more i corrected him, so i put him in his cage for 5 minutes. when i took him out, he wouldn't have anything to do with me. wish i knew what to do!
anyways, it's late and my battery is running low. guess i oughta go to sleep now.
'night!
life with a little one is emotional. most of the time it's joyful; other times it's frustrating, annoying, and stressing. cuddle-time with brutus for a mid-morning nap and right before bed is so sweet. it's the in-between times that drive me up a wall. housebreaking is proving to be the most trying thing right now. brutus drinks a lot of water, so i'm constantly taking him outside, but he still seems to find a way to pee in the house...not to mention going number two. *sigh* housebreaking aside, little brutus tries to gnaw my fingers off! seriously, yesterday i looked like i had tried to cut myself......i had teeth marks that looked like cuts all up and down my arm. not to mention a few bruises from where he bit so hard! no matter what i do to correct him, it doesn't seem to work. in fact, tonight he seemed to simply get more agressive the more i corrected him, so i put him in his cage for 5 minutes. when i took him out, he wouldn't have anything to do with me. wish i knew what to do!
anyways, it's late and my battery is running low. guess i oughta go to sleep now.
'night!
baby brutus (3.5.08)
hello, and welcome to my first late-night chat in a loooong time!
it's interesting because almost 8 months ago i got married, moved in with josh (and his parents), and life just changed. and it's still changing, although it kind of looks like it did 8 months ago. ya see, josh and i moved across the street from my parents....so i'm in my old neighborhood. prior to moving in with josh, i used to sit up in my bed late at night blogging away on myspace while friends played in the background, eventually falling asleep to the sounds of ross and rachel and all my old friends....for the last week, i've been doing just that (minus the blogging, which i'm doing tonight).
there has been one new arrival, however, that has drastically changed my world...baby brutus! he came into my world 3 days ago, thanks to josh being in a manic state. who is baby brutus, you say? he's the cutest black and silver minature schnauzer you ever did see!! born december 21st, he's just shy of being 3 months old. he's feisty, stubborn, and a cuddler. josh and i are trying hard to be good "parents" to the little guy, but it's a little trying at times. housebreaking is not so fun! neither is waking up in the wee hours of the morning to feed him and let him out....which is why i should be sleeping rather than blogging.
nevertheless, i just wanted to share some of my joy with ya'll. i'll be posting pictures soon!
love ya!
it's interesting because almost 8 months ago i got married, moved in with josh (and his parents), and life just changed. and it's still changing, although it kind of looks like it did 8 months ago. ya see, josh and i moved across the street from my parents....so i'm in my old neighborhood. prior to moving in with josh, i used to sit up in my bed late at night blogging away on myspace while friends played in the background, eventually falling asleep to the sounds of ross and rachel and all my old friends....for the last week, i've been doing just that (minus the blogging, which i'm doing tonight).
there has been one new arrival, however, that has drastically changed my world...baby brutus! he came into my world 3 days ago, thanks to josh being in a manic state. who is baby brutus, you say? he's the cutest black and silver minature schnauzer you ever did see!! born december 21st, he's just shy of being 3 months old. he's feisty, stubborn, and a cuddler. josh and i are trying hard to be good "parents" to the little guy, but it's a little trying at times. housebreaking is not so fun! neither is waking up in the wee hours of the morning to feed him and let him out....which is why i should be sleeping rather than blogging.
nevertheless, i just wanted to share some of my joy with ya'll. i'll be posting pictures soon!
love ya!
feeling connected (1.27.08)
Hi, friends....and welcome. This evening Josh and I went to Crossroads, a community of twenty-somethings here in Chillicothe. We just got back a few minutes ago, and I just wanted to take some time to reflect on what a great night it has been. Actually, the whole day has been really good. I am almost afraid to go to sleep tonight for fear that tomorrow is going to be a horrible day. However, I'm going to rest assured knowing that whatever happens tomorrow will be just fine no matter what happens.
Anyway, tonight was just a really good night. We had some yummy home-made chicken noodle soup (thanks, baby!), along with some pizza thingy's and deli rolls (thanks, ryan!), and brownies (thanks, me!). Besides the food, though, we just had a time of doing art together (thanks, terah!). I've never done anything like it before, so it was interesting to see how it all turned out. We did one piece of art all-together in the cafe, while the other piece of art we did one-by-one in another room. It was sooooo cool to see what we could all do together. I think our artwork exemplified what we can do as a community.
With all that said, I'm really just feeling connected tonight....and that's a great feeling!
Anyway, tonight was just a really good night. We had some yummy home-made chicken noodle soup (thanks, baby!), along with some pizza thingy's and deli rolls (thanks, ryan!), and brownies (thanks, me!). Besides the food, though, we just had a time of doing art together (thanks, terah!). I've never done anything like it before, so it was interesting to see how it all turned out. We did one piece of art all-together in the cafe, while the other piece of art we did one-by-one in another room. It was sooooo cool to see what we could all do together. I think our artwork exemplified what we can do as a community.
With all that said, I'm really just feeling connected tonight....and that's a great feeling!
worry (10.27.07)
Worry. Sometimes it just creeps up on you when you're not even expecting it. Here I was, all excited and feeling accomplished because I finished my initial research for my upcoming paper, and now all I can do is worry. I'm not worried about the paper, per se. Instead, I'm worried about how on earth I'm going to accomplish the tasks that have been set before me in the next 10 days. You see, I start a new class today (Monday). The new class requires at least two assignments per week to be accomplished, if not more. The first week I think I have three assignments due. The following week there is either two or three; I'm not sure. The class that I'm almost finished with - three weeks to go - has two papers, two responses, and a quiz due this week. The following week is when the research paper is due.
Here's the problem: I'm going to a Ladies Retreat with my mom November 1-3. I have an assignment due for my new class on November 1 and two assignments due on November 4, including my research paper! As a procrastinator, this poses serious problems because usually I would wait until November 3 to write the research paper. Probably even do some on the 4th since it's not due until midnight. Unfortunately, with all the other assignments that I have to do, that's not possible. As well as the fact that I'm going to be at a retreat! Unfortunately, some of my so-called "down-time" at the retreat is probably going to be used for writing my research paper. Unless, God help me, I can become disciplined enough to sit down this week and write a little bit every night in order to have my research paper done before going to the retreat. Anyone out there think that's possible???
On a side note, but not really a side note.......it's the entire purpose for me ranting and raving about this issue I'm having with worry. As I lay in bed tonight worrying about my research paper and prioritizing my time during the next two weeks, I realized that I had momentarily forgotten an important lesson I learned this week. The act of worrying is both illogical and unnecessary. Why? Because worrying does nothing except breed stress and more worrisome thoughts. You know what I mean? The more you worry about something, the more likely you are to become stressed out about the situation and then your thoughts begin to spiral until you're worrying about everything! Not only that, but it's illogical and unnecessary to worry because we have the reassurance that if God is concerned about the little sparrows and the fields of the earth, how much more concerned is He with us, His children? So, we don't need to worry about anything because He's going to give us the strength, courage, discipline, or whatever it is that we're lacking to make it through the situation we are worrying about.
Anyway, just thought I'd share those thoughts with you. And ask you to pray with me that the Lord would give me the ability to be especially disciplined this week in order to get my tasks done early. I don't want to be bogged down my homework during the Ladies Retreat. I want to enjoy the time with my mom, as well as some of the other ladies that I know are going to be there. You know this will be difficult for me - a procrastinator at heart - but I know that it's possible with God's help!
Here's the problem: I'm going to a Ladies Retreat with my mom November 1-3. I have an assignment due for my new class on November 1 and two assignments due on November 4, including my research paper! As a procrastinator, this poses serious problems because usually I would wait until November 3 to write the research paper. Probably even do some on the 4th since it's not due until midnight. Unfortunately, with all the other assignments that I have to do, that's not possible. As well as the fact that I'm going to be at a retreat! Unfortunately, some of my so-called "down-time" at the retreat is probably going to be used for writing my research paper. Unless, God help me, I can become disciplined enough to sit down this week and write a little bit every night in order to have my research paper done before going to the retreat. Anyone out there think that's possible???
On a side note, but not really a side note.......it's the entire purpose for me ranting and raving about this issue I'm having with worry. As I lay in bed tonight worrying about my research paper and prioritizing my time during the next two weeks, I realized that I had momentarily forgotten an important lesson I learned this week. The act of worrying is both illogical and unnecessary. Why? Because worrying does nothing except breed stress and more worrisome thoughts. You know what I mean? The more you worry about something, the more likely you are to become stressed out about the situation and then your thoughts begin to spiral until you're worrying about everything! Not only that, but it's illogical and unnecessary to worry because we have the reassurance that if God is concerned about the little sparrows and the fields of the earth, how much more concerned is He with us, His children? So, we don't need to worry about anything because He's going to give us the strength, courage, discipline, or whatever it is that we're lacking to make it through the situation we are worrying about.
Anyway, just thought I'd share those thoughts with you. And ask you to pray with me that the Lord would give me the ability to be especially disciplined this week in order to get my tasks done early. I don't want to be bogged down my homework during the Ladies Retreat. I want to enjoy the time with my mom, as well as some of the other ladies that I know are going to be there. You know this will be difficult for me - a procrastinator at heart - but I know that it's possible with God's help!
what should i do? (10.10.07)
Hmmmmmm.............i've never had much trouble writing a blog as I'm having right now. Odd. Perhaps it's because today has been a really long day. I drove back and forth to Columbus and sat in a waiting room for a couple of hours. That's it. I'm drained.
There's a couple of things going on in my life right now. I've got to decide by Friday whether or not to go with my mom to the Ladies Retreat for the women of Church Triumphant. My mom has wanted to do this as a mother/daughter thing for 10 years, but I've never been able to go. I want to go, but I can't financially afford to go. I wish someone could sponsor me. Otherwise I have to dip into my savings. On the other hand, it will be good for me spiritually. I need some good quality alone time with God that I haven't had in a long time. I also want to spend some good quality time with my mom. She's needs me. What should I do?
Decisions can be hard to make sometimes. For instance, I have to decide by the end of this month whether or not to take the LSAT again. The thing is, I've always dreamed of going to law school. When I moved to Chicago and went back to school, I believed God was giving me that opportunity to finish school in order to pursue the dream of law school. Now I'm wondering if God gave me the opportunity, but in the process changed my dream? After not getting into law school, it seems even more possible that He's telling me that my dream has changed. I love theology and apologetics. That's what I'm getting a Master's degree in, for crying out loud! I would love to be a professor of apologetics someday. That dream started in Chicago after spending a lot of time with Al McBryan and studying Philosophy. Ahhhh......what should I do?
Another decision I have to make is regarding my research paper. I'm supposed to be working on a thesis, outline, and bibliography for my New Testament class. However, the online search tool is giving me headaches. I'm having the most difficult time finding journal articles and/or books. Grrrrr! The outline and stuff has to be turned in at the end of next week. The final paper is due at the end of week 7, I think. Oh, and guess what? The website is down! What should I do?
A final decision: stay online or do homework? Hmmm..........what should I do? LOL
There's a couple of things going on in my life right now. I've got to decide by Friday whether or not to go with my mom to the Ladies Retreat for the women of Church Triumphant. My mom has wanted to do this as a mother/daughter thing for 10 years, but I've never been able to go. I want to go, but I can't financially afford to go. I wish someone could sponsor me. Otherwise I have to dip into my savings. On the other hand, it will be good for me spiritually. I need some good quality alone time with God that I haven't had in a long time. I also want to spend some good quality time with my mom. She's needs me. What should I do?
Decisions can be hard to make sometimes. For instance, I have to decide by the end of this month whether or not to take the LSAT again. The thing is, I've always dreamed of going to law school. When I moved to Chicago and went back to school, I believed God was giving me that opportunity to finish school in order to pursue the dream of law school. Now I'm wondering if God gave me the opportunity, but in the process changed my dream? After not getting into law school, it seems even more possible that He's telling me that my dream has changed. I love theology and apologetics. That's what I'm getting a Master's degree in, for crying out loud! I would love to be a professor of apologetics someday. That dream started in Chicago after spending a lot of time with Al McBryan and studying Philosophy. Ahhhh......what should I do?
Another decision I have to make is regarding my research paper. I'm supposed to be working on a thesis, outline, and bibliography for my New Testament class. However, the online search tool is giving me headaches. I'm having the most difficult time finding journal articles and/or books. Grrrrr! The outline and stuff has to be turned in at the end of next week. The final paper is due at the end of week 7, I think. Oh, and guess what? The website is down! What should I do?
A final decision: stay online or do homework? Hmmm..........what should I do? LOL
Sunday, June 13, 2010
sweet relief (9.23.07)
Hello to all friends and some who just say they are!
I'm finished with my first week of class, and I'm proud to say that I didn't wait until the very last minute to finish my papers. I finished before 10pm, which some of you understand that that is the time I usually begin working on my assignments.
This week has been very challenging. For the past 4 years I've been accustomed to attending classes on various campuses. I've had a set schedule, and more of a focus. Now that I'm taking classes online, I've had to discipline myself to set aside time during my day to read, take notes, and to log on to the discussion board. It's been difficult, honestly. Balancing my marriage, school, and just life.....well, I guess God has me in this season to challenge not only my intellect, but also to teach me discipline. Discipline is not something I've been prone to enjoying in the last several years, which unfortunately has led to a complacent lifestyle in various capacities.
The questions to myself are: are you ready to step up to the challenge that God has placed before you? Are you willing to make changes in your life in order to be more disciplined in the physical, the intellectual, and most importantly, the spiritual aspects of your life?
I'm finished with my first week of class, and I'm proud to say that I didn't wait until the very last minute to finish my papers. I finished before 10pm, which some of you understand that that is the time I usually begin working on my assignments.
This week has been very challenging. For the past 4 years I've been accustomed to attending classes on various campuses. I've had a set schedule, and more of a focus. Now that I'm taking classes online, I've had to discipline myself to set aside time during my day to read, take notes, and to log on to the discussion board. It's been difficult, honestly. Balancing my marriage, school, and just life.....well, I guess God has me in this season to challenge not only my intellect, but also to teach me discipline. Discipline is not something I've been prone to enjoying in the last several years, which unfortunately has led to a complacent lifestyle in various capacities.
The questions to myself are: are you ready to step up to the challenge that God has placed before you? Are you willing to make changes in your life in order to be more disciplined in the physical, the intellectual, and most importantly, the spiritual aspects of your life?
it's time for school again (9.17.07)
Hello, friends and so-called friends. It's time for school again! As you can tell, I'm procrastinating; thus, it's time for school again. Josh will kill me when he reads this because I told him that I was going to be reading my stuff for class. Instead, I'm sitting here on myspace. Of course, I've only been on myspace for probably 15 minutes, so don't be too mad, baby. ;)
Oh well.....
Just wanted to let you all know that today is my first day of school. In case you're wondering, I'm currently pursuing my Masters of Art in Religion with a concentration on Theology and Apologetics. If you know me well enough, you know that these are two of my favorite things to discuss....which falls in line with my passion for philosophy.
Okey dokey, gotta go....if you love me, send me a message and let me know. I need to hear from my friends today.
Oh well.....
Just wanted to let you all know that today is my first day of school. In case you're wondering, I'm currently pursuing my Masters of Art in Religion with a concentration on Theology and Apologetics. If you know me well enough, you know that these are two of my favorite things to discuss....which falls in line with my passion for philosophy.
Okey dokey, gotta go....if you love me, send me a message and let me know. I need to hear from my friends today.
birthday bash (8.26.07)
hello friends, and welcome to another late night chat. i took an advil pm an hour ago, so i'm a little out of it but not too much. so if i start jabbering on, just stop reading...i'm sure it's not worth your time anyways.
thanks to all who came out to the birthday bash or sent birthday greetings. my 30th birthday has been a wonderful celebration. our birthday bash was a lot of fun. josh and i made beef, chicken, and pork kabobs, brats, and weenies. we also had potato salad, beans, and sarah's bean and corn dip. good stuff! also, we had birthday cake from the wedding cake lady...yummy...sorry if you weren't there to experience the yummy goodness.
one of my favorite gifts was from josh's uncle rod. he took me on my first motorcycle ride!!! i loved every second of it....the wind blowing through my hair, the smell of the outdoors, the roaring motor....what's not to love?
josh's birthday is officially on tuesday, so the birthday celebration continues. i think we're having a get-together with his family tuesday night. i hear that there's a surprise gift for both josh and i that evening. hmmm....wonder what it is?
anyway, i should probably go....i have to get up at 6am to begin the chore of waking up my husband. i wish there was an easier way to wake him up....he's such a grumpy butt in the mornings!
well, lots of love coming your way.....'night!
thanks to all who came out to the birthday bash or sent birthday greetings. my 30th birthday has been a wonderful celebration. our birthday bash was a lot of fun. josh and i made beef, chicken, and pork kabobs, brats, and weenies. we also had potato salad, beans, and sarah's bean and corn dip. good stuff! also, we had birthday cake from the wedding cake lady...yummy...sorry if you weren't there to experience the yummy goodness.
one of my favorite gifts was from josh's uncle rod. he took me on my first motorcycle ride!!! i loved every second of it....the wind blowing through my hair, the smell of the outdoors, the roaring motor....what's not to love?
josh's birthday is officially on tuesday, so the birthday celebration continues. i think we're having a get-together with his family tuesday night. i hear that there's a surprise gift for both josh and i that evening. hmmm....wonder what it is?
anyway, i should probably go....i have to get up at 6am to begin the chore of waking up my husband. i wish there was an easier way to wake him up....he's such a grumpy butt in the mornings!
well, lots of love coming your way.....'night!
things i've learned (8.21.07)
hello friends, and welcome to another late night chat session with denise. i was going to entitle this chat as "10 things i've learned this week," taking my cue from my friend abigail. however, i'm not sure i've learned 10 things. i've learned that the movie "the confessor" is quite boring even though the lead actor is one of my favorites (christian slater). i've also learned that applying to an online university can be a pain in the rear especially if all the communication is via email. i've also learned that throwing a birthday party as a married couple with friends and family from both sides invited can be quite the challenge. i've learned the standard sizes of a twin, full, queen, and king size mattresses, as well as learned that a king size box spring will not fit in the stairway of my house, which means that i will have to settle for a queen size. and yet, a queen size mattress and box spring set is only 6 inches wider than a full compared to the 16 inches of a king!
the things i've learned are trivial to what really matters. and yet, another trivial issue that i'm excited about it the ability to have wireless internet once again. i've lived without my laptop for just over a month since josh did not have wireless access. however, this evening i went to walmart and with the help of my handy-dandy walmart gift cards i received as wedding gifts, purchased a wireless router. now my laptop is up and running, and i can sit in bed as my husband lays next to me snoring and blog away. it's very exciting!
anyway, just wanted to share the news. i suppose i should be off to bed myself, but i'm just not tired yet. guess i'll just drink my milk, listen to josh snore, and do some stuff online......
'night, dear friends.
the things i've learned are trivial to what really matters. and yet, another trivial issue that i'm excited about it the ability to have wireless internet once again. i've lived without my laptop for just over a month since josh did not have wireless access. however, this evening i went to walmart and with the help of my handy-dandy walmart gift cards i received as wedding gifts, purchased a wireless router. now my laptop is up and running, and i can sit in bed as my husband lays next to me snoring and blog away. it's very exciting!
anyway, just wanted to share the news. i suppose i should be off to bed myself, but i'm just not tired yet. guess i'll just drink my milk, listen to josh snore, and do some stuff online......
'night, dear friends.
i was tagged...(8.7.07)
I was tagged on July 17th but since I'm a procrastinator at heart, I'm just now getting into the game. Here's the deal: I have to write 10 random things about myself. After I've done that, I have to tag 10 people who must write 10 random things about themselves and tag 10 other people. There are three rules to this game: 1) you must write 10 random things about yourself, 2) you must tag 10 other people, and 3) there are absolutely NO tag-backs! Let the fun begin....
1) Josh and I have been married exactly one month today!
2) My toes are painted an ocean bluish-greenish color.
3) My dream growing up was to be a lawyer just like Matlock.
4) Since 7th grade I always told people that I wanted to have four kids: twin boy and girl, a boy, and a girl with the following names: Tyler Ray & Taylor Renee, James, and Mercedes Lynne.
5) Recently I have become fascinated with watching my fish go to the bathroom.
6) Tomorrow I am going to Ozzfest, which is something I've never dreamed of doing.
7) I have always wanted to write a novel, and even have an idea for a character in my head - her name is Nora.
8) The only room in my house which is air-conditioned is my bedroom, so I spend a lot of time there.
9) I recently lost my job at RAX because White Castle bought the property which RAX is presently located. I have no idea where I'm going to work nor do I know whether or not I'm going to school this fall. It seems that my life is not working out quite the way I thought it was going to right now.
10) The reason I opened a myspace account was to keep in touch with my old YWAM friends; however, most of my time on myspace is spent keeping in touch with my current friends.
1) Josh and I have been married exactly one month today!
2) My toes are painted an ocean bluish-greenish color.
3) My dream growing up was to be a lawyer just like Matlock.
4) Since 7th grade I always told people that I wanted to have four kids: twin boy and girl, a boy, and a girl with the following names: Tyler Ray & Taylor Renee, James, and Mercedes Lynne.
5) Recently I have become fascinated with watching my fish go to the bathroom.
6) Tomorrow I am going to Ozzfest, which is something I've never dreamed of doing.
7) I have always wanted to write a novel, and even have an idea for a character in my head - her name is Nora.
8) The only room in my house which is air-conditioned is my bedroom, so I spend a lot of time there.
9) I recently lost my job at RAX because White Castle bought the property which RAX is presently located. I have no idea where I'm going to work nor do I know whether or not I'm going to school this fall. It seems that my life is not working out quite the way I thought it was going to right now.
10) The reason I opened a myspace account was to keep in touch with my old YWAM friends; however, most of my time on myspace is spent keeping in touch with my current friends.
true story (8.2.07)
something must be wrong with me ----> josh and i have a tankful of a variety of fish. i usually feed them, then go about my business. today, however, i sat fascinated by them. as i watched, i noticed these black dots starting to appear underneath their tails. "hmmm, i've never seen that before," i think to myself. then the black dots get longer and longer, and as i sit watching, i realize that i am watching my little fishies go poo! LMAO!!
an interesting insight (7.31.07)
I spent most of today reading an interesting little book called "Skin" by Ted Dekker. Dekker has been one of my favorite author's for several years now, with "The Circle Trilogy" marking some of his best told tales to date. I suppose the reason I enjoy his stories varies; perhaps because he and I share some similarities in life. Dekker was a missionary kid; I was a missionary. Dekker went to high school in Chicago; I lived in Chicago for two years. Dekker's major areas of interest in college were religion and philosophy; I, too, share those interests as I was a philosophy major. Ok, I may be reaching a bit here, but the point is, his books strike a chord in me. Perhaps because I relate to the characters and their flaws, their desires and dreams. Or perhaps it's because I relate to the journey that the all must make in life. One that I, too, am making...
Most of my life I have been longing for something, searching for deeper meaning. Mostly, I've been longing to love and be loved in return. As the days draw closer to my 30th birthday, I realize that my life has begun a new chapter. I'm not entirely sure what's going to be written in this chapter, even though I know that I have been given the freedom to choose what may be written in this chapter. But I do know this: I am loved and my life does have meaning. Sometimes I feel completely unloveable; worse than that, I know I don't deserve to be loved. Despite this knowledge, I know that I am loved. And with this love comes meaning.
My life's story hasn't been completely written, and I imagine that there are going to be many, many more stories to be told. But, one story I want to share with you is this: I found the meaning of life in India 15 years ago on my first missionary journey. That is, I am meant to be loved by my Father and to tell others about Him.
But, back to Dekker...today as I finished reading "Skin," I wanted to read more, so I stumbled onto Dekker's website and found some of his papers/essays. I read through every one of them, but the most striking was his profound insight at the end of his search for happiness. It is this interesting insight that I want to share with you:
"So then, this is the story of one man's search for happiness. Now we must ask the question that begs to be answered.
Did I find the ultimate happiness I was looking for?
Yes and no. I found great happiness but not on this earth. I was looking for fulfillment in this life, but with my eyes closed to the brilliant vision of eternity by which all pleasure this side of death is illuminated. I have lived most of the Christian life in a slumber to the bliss of eternity, and as a result I have been dissatisfied with that life.
I now embrace the pleasures of this life with as much or more passion as I did before, but I do so without expecting those pleasures to provide any more than a foretaste of what is to come a tremendously liberating knowledge.
Furthermore, I embrace those pleasures as a reminder of what is to come, without which I would undoubtedly forget and fall asleep to the promise of eternity.
Perhaps most importantly, I now enjoy the riches of my inheritance through a nearly miraculous power called hope. We must discover how to realize this power, and we will. Hope is our window into heaven and we must throw the curtains back to awaken our hearts to that most spectacular view."
Most of my life I have been longing for something, searching for deeper meaning. Mostly, I've been longing to love and be loved in return. As the days draw closer to my 30th birthday, I realize that my life has begun a new chapter. I'm not entirely sure what's going to be written in this chapter, even though I know that I have been given the freedom to choose what may be written in this chapter. But I do know this: I am loved and my life does have meaning. Sometimes I feel completely unloveable; worse than that, I know I don't deserve to be loved. Despite this knowledge, I know that I am loved. And with this love comes meaning.
My life's story hasn't been completely written, and I imagine that there are going to be many, many more stories to be told. But, one story I want to share with you is this: I found the meaning of life in India 15 years ago on my first missionary journey. That is, I am meant to be loved by my Father and to tell others about Him.
But, back to Dekker...today as I finished reading "Skin," I wanted to read more, so I stumbled onto Dekker's website and found some of his papers/essays. I read through every one of them, but the most striking was his profound insight at the end of his search for happiness. It is this interesting insight that I want to share with you:
"So then, this is the story of one man's search for happiness. Now we must ask the question that begs to be answered.
Did I find the ultimate happiness I was looking for?
Yes and no. I found great happiness but not on this earth. I was looking for fulfillment in this life, but with my eyes closed to the brilliant vision of eternity by which all pleasure this side of death is illuminated. I have lived most of the Christian life in a slumber to the bliss of eternity, and as a result I have been dissatisfied with that life.
I now embrace the pleasures of this life with as much or more passion as I did before, but I do so without expecting those pleasures to provide any more than a foretaste of what is to come a tremendously liberating knowledge.
Furthermore, I embrace those pleasures as a reminder of what is to come, without which I would undoubtedly forget and fall asleep to the promise of eternity.
Perhaps most importantly, I now enjoy the riches of my inheritance through a nearly miraculous power called hope. We must discover how to realize this power, and we will. Hope is our window into heaven and we must throw the curtains back to awaken our hearts to that most spectacular view."
2 weeks (7.21.07)
hello, and welcome to a new addition of somewhat late night chats. only this time, i'm no longer the denise you've known and loved for so long. i'm the new mrs. joshua dilley...yaay! for those of you who are counting, it's been 2 weeks since josh and i married. it was a beautiful ceremony, and one day soon i will post pictures and video. i'm waiting on two videos from family and friends in order to share with the rest of you. i have pictures, i just haven't downloaded them yet.
anyway, married life is a wonderful thing. i get to spend my life with my best friend. there's just one teensy weensy problem.........he likes to push off the bed in the middle of the night!!! granted, he hasn't actually pushed me off the bed, but it feels like he's trying to. any suggestions as to how to get him to stop??
welp, gotta go for now. my hubby wants to watch a movie in bed before going to sleep. 'night!
anyway, married life is a wonderful thing. i get to spend my life with my best friend. there's just one teensy weensy problem.........he likes to push off the bed in the middle of the night!!! granted, he hasn't actually pushed me off the bed, but it feels like he's trying to. any suggestions as to how to get him to stop??
welp, gotta go for now. my hubby wants to watch a movie in bed before going to sleep. 'night!
in less than 24 hours (7.7.07)
hi, friends. welcome to the last edition of late night chats with denise...denise kysor, that is. in less than 24 hours i will become denise dilley, or double d as some would say.
i can't believe this day is finally here. i've been dreaming about it for 3 years now. i'm excited, nervous, and very, very sleepy, yet i'm not in bed. yeah, yeah. that's just me.
anyway, i'm just finishing off some last minute things and then i'm off to bed. i need my beauty sleep, you know. hope to see you all there tomorrow, but if not, i know you'll be there in spirit, as true friends always are.
love ya!
i can't believe this day is finally here. i've been dreaming about it for 3 years now. i'm excited, nervous, and very, very sleepy, yet i'm not in bed. yeah, yeah. that's just me.
anyway, i'm just finishing off some last minute things and then i'm off to bed. i need my beauty sleep, you know. hope to see you all there tomorrow, but if not, i know you'll be there in spirit, as true friends always are.
love ya!
housesitting (6.18.07)
hello, friends. for the first time in a long time i am not blogging late at night. as a matter of fact, it's two in the afternoon! anyhoo...i'm still procrasting, though. i should be at josh's house helping clean our "apartment" but i just found out that he has an appointment at 3, so i decided to wait until later this evening to go clean. we were also supposed to go get our marriage license this afternoon, but i have no idea what time they close, so i guess we'll get it tomorrow.
as the subject says, i'm housesitting. and animal sitting. joy. the house is great; the animals are driving me crazy. i'm out in the country, if you can call hallsville country. not sure. (a - if you're reading this, i'm just down the road. if you need anything, let me know.)
last night i took a bubble bath in the garden tub/jacuzzi. it was sooooo nice and relaxing. i feel like i'm on vacation, which is exactly what i need right now. time to just do whatever i want. of course, i still have to work, so it's not exactly a vacation. but, after work's over, i can come "home" and cook dinner (which i never get to do!), read a book, watch tv (again, something i never get to do!), and just relax. it's nice.
hmmm...well, i guess i should go for now. funny enough, i'm getting married in less than three weeks now and i still have invitations to send out. i know, but it's not my fault. josh found some old friends on myspace and wants to send them an invite.
talk to ya later!
as the subject says, i'm housesitting. and animal sitting. joy. the house is great; the animals are driving me crazy. i'm out in the country, if you can call hallsville country. not sure. (a - if you're reading this, i'm just down the road. if you need anything, let me know.)
last night i took a bubble bath in the garden tub/jacuzzi. it was sooooo nice and relaxing. i feel like i'm on vacation, which is exactly what i need right now. time to just do whatever i want. of course, i still have to work, so it's not exactly a vacation. but, after work's over, i can come "home" and cook dinner (which i never get to do!), read a book, watch tv (again, something i never get to do!), and just relax. it's nice.
hmmm...well, i guess i should go for now. funny enough, i'm getting married in less than three weeks now and i still have invitations to send out. i know, but it's not my fault. josh found some old friends on myspace and wants to send them an invite.
talk to ya later!
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