I spent most of today reading an interesting little book called "Skin" by Ted Dekker. Dekker has been one of my favorite author's for several years now, with "The Circle Trilogy" marking some of his best told tales to date. I suppose the reason I enjoy his stories varies; perhaps because he and I share some similarities in life. Dekker was a missionary kid; I was a missionary. Dekker went to high school in Chicago; I lived in Chicago for two years. Dekker's major areas of interest in college were religion and philosophy; I, too, share those interests as I was a philosophy major. Ok, I may be reaching a bit here, but the point is, his books strike a chord in me. Perhaps because I relate to the characters and their flaws, their desires and dreams. Or perhaps it's because I relate to the journey that the all must make in life. One that I, too, am making...
Most of my life I have been longing for something, searching for deeper meaning. Mostly, I've been longing to love and be loved in return. As the days draw closer to my 30th birthday, I realize that my life has begun a new chapter. I'm not entirely sure what's going to be written in this chapter, even though I know that I have been given the freedom to choose what may be written in this chapter. But I do know this: I am loved and my life does have meaning. Sometimes I feel completely unloveable; worse than that, I know I don't deserve to be loved. Despite this knowledge, I know that I am loved. And with this love comes meaning.
My life's story hasn't been completely written, and I imagine that there are going to be many, many more stories to be told. But, one story I want to share with you is this: I found the meaning of life in India 15 years ago on my first missionary journey. That is, I am meant to be loved by my Father and to tell others about Him.
But, back to Dekker...today as I finished reading "Skin," I wanted to read more, so I stumbled onto Dekker's website and found some of his papers/essays. I read through every one of them, but the most striking was his profound insight at the end of his search for happiness. It is this interesting insight that I want to share with you:
"So then, this is the story of one man's search for happiness. Now we must ask the question that begs to be answered.
Did I find the ultimate happiness I was looking for?
Yes and no. I found great happiness but not on this earth. I was looking for fulfillment in this life, but with my eyes closed to the brilliant vision of eternity by which all pleasure this side of death is illuminated. I have lived most of the Christian life in a slumber to the bliss of eternity, and as a result I have been dissatisfied with that life.
I now embrace the pleasures of this life with as much or more passion as I did before, but I do so without expecting those pleasures to provide any more than a foretaste of what is to come a tremendously liberating knowledge.
Furthermore, I embrace those pleasures as a reminder of what is to come, without which I would undoubtedly forget and fall asleep to the promise of eternity.
Perhaps most importantly, I now enjoy the riches of my inheritance through a nearly miraculous power called hope. We must discover how to realize this power, and we will. Hope is our window into heaven and we must throw the curtains back to awaken our hearts to that most spectacular view."
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