why worry?

Hello friends, and welcome to another late nite chat!  It's been a long time since I've actually had a late nite chat session with you all, but I thought I would give it a whirl... :)

Anyway, in less than 12 hours I'll be at the hospital undergoing my first PET scan.  For those of you who haven't really been following my health updates, here's the scoop:  in November I got sick and had an ear infection and an annoying, but tolerable, cough.  I got some antibiotics and was fine.  Except the cough didn't go away.  Then in December, literally overnight, I started having incredible pain in my joints, especially my hands, wrists, elbows, and knees.  The doc thought I might have rheumatoid arthiritis, so he did a couple of tests.  They all came back fine.  So he gave me some prednisone and referred me to a specialist.  I didn't go because the pain went away. 

In April I still had this annoying, persistent cough that also caused me to wheeze.  He listened to my lungs, gave me an antibiotic, and sent me off to get an xray.  He thought maybe I had pneumonia, but he was doing the xray to rule out other possibilities.  A couple of days later I got a phone call from the doc's office telling me I needed to have a CT scan because of the xray results.  The CT scan showed that I had a 4cm mass on my right lung, close to my heart.  LOVELY!  In May, I saw a pulminologist who determined I needed to have a bronchoscopy in order to get a piece of the tissue from the mass to run tests on.  All the tests came back fine.  The pulminologist thinks I simply have an enlarged lymph node as a result of untreated pneumonia that would eventually shrink.  He scheduled me for another CT scan which I had just last week.  Unfortunately, the CT scan showed that the lung mass has not gotten smaller, but has in fact grown.  It is now 4.5cm instead of 4cm.  Which leads to the PET scan tomorrow....

The PET scan will show the metabolic activity of the mass.  In short, this test will determine if the mass is cancerous. 

The question is, then, why worry?  I have reason to worry.  And to some extent I am worried.  I'm worried about the unknown.  If I know what's wrong with my body, then I can figure out how to fix it.  Well, the doctors can.  :)  But I don't know what this mass on my lung is.  So I worry.

However, today I was reminded of something I wrote three years ago about worry.  It's illogical and only breeds more worrisome thoughts.  Not only that, but worry can't change things.  I can sit and worry all I want, but it won't change my situation.  It won't change whatever diagnosis comes my way.  And it certainly won't fix anything.  So I choose not to worry.  I choose to place my trust in God who loves me and is holding my hand through this situation.  The One who is my comfort in times of trouble.  I'll cling to my husband who loves me and will hold me, comfort me, and be there for me through this stressful time.  And I'll lean on my friends who love me and pray for me.